So I believe I have hit rock bottom, my ultimate all time low. I went to the doctor for my annual check up today, first time I have been inside a medical office for myself since my mom died. I knew over the past year the depression and emotional eating and binge exercising got the best of me at times, but I wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen.
It was the same old same old routine, didn’t think anything of it until I stepped on the scale. That nasty thing was starring and screaming back at me, louder than I was screaming. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I wasn’t seeing that stupid number correctly. I thought to myself, “that can’t be right!?!?” Are you serious?
Then I got my blood pressure checked….it was a bit elevated. I was told I had WHITE COAT SYNDROME years ago and my pressure is usually checked a few times during the visit. By the time the end of the visit approachs, my BP is back down to normal or below. But not today? That number didn’t seem to budge either. “What is wrong with me?” I whispered.
The exam itself went fairly well and overall I am a healthy individual according to the doctor, but then why is it I feel so crappy, unhealthy, fat, depressed and miserable? Possible PCOS? Thyroid? Depression?
I have four beautiful babies I love and live my life for each day. As a mom, I vowed to be a good role model and I try to eat a healthy diet and exercise a few times a week, schedule and kids permitting. Well I guess that’s not good enough.
Over the last 4-5 months I have dedicated myself to becoming a healthier me but haven’t seen any success….no pounds gone, no inches off, not much energy gained and certainly no sleep gained. At times I actually feel and think I look worse…how is that even possible? What’s next? Where do I go from here?
Nowhere but up from the bottom right?!?!